Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How's work?
Spinning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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