I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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