mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
