You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
