Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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