I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
