You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
