so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
