i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
