Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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