im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
