It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
