my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
