Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize