the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
