I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
