just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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