I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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