Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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