I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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