If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize