My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
