You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize