she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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