when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
