Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
