Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
