i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize