Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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