I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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