The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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