omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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