his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
