how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
