That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
