No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
