piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
