i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize