And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
