i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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