I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am mentally ready for anal.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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