She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
