I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
