I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
