took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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