do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
