Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
