I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
