im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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