There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
