Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
