I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The ass gains better be worth it
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