Say something about gay babies.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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