you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
