So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
