I heard we made out
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
