it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
