He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
