i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Vodka?
Forever.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
