i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
drinking out of a sandbucket again
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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