So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
