Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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