I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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