Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
