so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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