Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Boobs speak an international language.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
