This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize