don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
