I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
