He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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