He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
