yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
