the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
