I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize